I release an air called "gei" so breathe it mother fucker.
i hate getting close to people because then they realize i’m a piece of shit
I don’t want to be upset about the B.A.P concert because the guys were amazing and I fucking got to touch Zelo’s hands and tell him I love him but the crowd was such a mess I can’t help but be upset. I could barely even see half the show because I was constantly having to stand on my tiptoes and crane my neck to try and get a glimpse of the boys between people’s cameras. and this was after we left the pit, don’t even get me started on the hell that was.
it’s fucked up that I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining because at least I got to stay in the concert hall and be there for the whole show, since my friends and several other people needed medical attention that required them to physically miss most of the concert. it’s fucked up that I am considered lucky for not having that happen to me because it happened to so many people. I am grateful that at least I still had the opportunity to see them even if I couldn’t see them well, but I didn’t pay $300+ to travel over 24 hours on the bus each way or wait in line since 1 AM, running on not even one full hour of sleep, in order to barely see them.
this was a once in a lifetime chance for me, I likely will not have the timing or funds to make a trip like this possible in the future. this was my one chance to see B.A.P and the idiots in the pit fucked that up just so they could get closer to their oppa’s dick. I didn’t get to look up at them from the crowd and sing along to the words that made my life worth living for the past year, I didn’t get that moment of looking at their inhumanly beautiful faces and realizing that holy fuck they’re actually real, these boys are not pictures on a computer screen. they may as well have been with how much of them I actually got to see.
I watched some fancams on the bus ride back and from those and what little I actually remember from being there, it really was an amazing concert. but I remember moments where I tried to see what was happening onstage and thought “I hope someone gets a fancam of this so I can actually see what happened.” I should not have to experience the show through fancams afterwards if I was actually there. that’s why I paid that money and traveled so far, to see the boys perform in person. and even though I was there, I couldn’t
all I could do was stand there utterly horrified by how insane the fans were being. I wore my Totomato necklace to the concert and the black paint on the chain is now completely chipped away in several places because of how violent the pit was. I had a moment of panic when I genuinely thought the charm got pulled and broken off when we were trying to leave the pit. the top of my dress got shoved down so my bra was exposed and the dress itself as well as my bra straps were falling off my shoulders. people stood on top of my feet, and I got pushed down during Power and would not have gotten back up if my friend Eri hadn’t had a death grip on my hand, and even that was slipping as she tried to pull me up. that’s how fucking violent the people in the pit were.
I hope you all realize the guys saw that. there was a moment early on when the guys stopped to talk and I literally could not hear a single word they said because all I could hear were the horrified screams of people around begging others to stop and let them out. B.A.P had to have heard at least some of that. when they talked and handed out drinks to BABYz before Coffee Shop, Daehyun and Himchan had to tell the crowd to calm down and take deep breaths. it didn’t help. my friend had to be carried out of the pit right in front of Yongguk a few songs later. there was one point during the concert when I was looking at Junhong when it wasn’t his turn to sing and he was looking at the member next to him and they both had these looks on their faces that just seemed so fucking wrong. I don’t know the right words to describe the emotion on their face, but something wasn’t right. and they knew it.